'Don't Tell Karl'

MSNBC.com

‘Don’t Tell Karl’
Our columnist imagines what the president would do if he tried to throw a surprise party for the First Lady—and somebody leaked the news.

WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY

By Andy Borowitz

Newsweek

Updated: 1:19 p.m. ET July 19, 2005

July 12 - President George W. Bush is said to be "hopping mad" over reports that Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove wrecked a surprise party for First Lady Laura Bush by leaking details of the celebration before it took place, White House sources said today.

According to the sources, President Bush had been meticulously planning to surprise the First Lady with a "Welcome Home" party upon her return from a goodwill trip to Africa, even going so far as to personally decorate her office with streamers and blow up dozens of balloons himself.

The president was determined that the party be a surprise, warning all White House staffers to keep the secret, "cross their hearts and hope to die," sources said.

But according to insiders, Rove "just couldn't resist blabbing" about the party to the First Lady, placing a call to Mrs. Bush in Tanzania to inform her that she should be prepared for a "big blow-out" when she got back to Washington.

President Bush, who has reportedly been taking a wait-and-see attitude about Rove's involvement with the leak of a CIA operative's identity, told staffers that if in fact Rove wrecked the First Lady's surprise party, "He's toast."

Bush has ordered a full investigation of the surprise party leak, but in the meantime, according to one source, "The standard operating procedure around here is, if you've got a secret, don't tell Karl."

Elsewhere, organizers of the Tour de France announced today that, to save everyone time and effort, Lance Armstrong has won the race through the year 2018.

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