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SIXTEEN WEEKS
OF HELL:
HARDCORE CUTTING FOR THE HARDCORE BODYBUILDER
_____________________
BY HAMAD AL-MOHAWIS

04.17.2005
There’s no better time to talk about cutting
up than right now. Summer’s right around the corner, just the right
time to bring out that six-pack. Hopefully, you gained a couple of
pounds of muscle (not to mention fat) from your previous bulking up
phase. Now it’s time to shape, define, and striate those muscles.
We’ll be dealing with 4 stages within this cutting phase in a bit of
detail. Also, I’m going to include “the ultimate in stupidity” part
for your own amusement.
Stage 1:
maintenance
This is
a very crucial stage right after your bulking up phase. This will
determine whether you’ll keep the last couple of pounds of muscle you’ve
gained or not. Here’s the explanation:
Physiological
processes in your body are like a pendulum. The higher you lift it on
one side, the higher it’ll swing back on the other side. Let’s say you
gained 4 lbs. of muscle in the last week of your bulking phase, a very
high rate of anabolism that your body isn’t used to. If you don’t strive
to maintain those 4 lbs, you’ll lose them as fast as you gained them.
The first 4 weeks of this cutting program deals with trying to maintain
your weight. Here’s how you do it:
-
Calculate your current
macro-nutrient intake (protein, carbs, and fat)
-
Make sure you eat the same
amount of nutrients every day
-
Drink atleast 2 liters of
water
-
Try to maintain your
strength
That’s basically
the first stage.
Stage 2: Firing
up the furnace
This is where hell
starts. This is where you start setting your alarm clock one hour
earlier. This is where you eat to fuel your body, not to please your
taste buds. Here we go:
The main idea from
now on is to let your body change its fuel source. It’s time to switch
from sugar (glucose) and burn the fat instead. The most important thing
is to do it gradually. You see, I’ve been screaming my lungs out telling
people not to lose muscle. The way you look is a function of your body
fat percentage, not your weight. If you cut off carbohydrates
immediately (the idiotic atkins diet) you’ll be loosing muscle and water
at an alarming rate. Then, when you lose 40 lbs in a month, you start
talking about excess skin. Let me be the first to tell you that THERE IS
NO SUCH THING AS EXCESS SKIN!!! It’s called a thick layer of fat on top
of a thin layer of muscle. How do I know this?
1-
If there is such
a thing as excess skin, how do you explain pro bodybuilders losing 50
lbs in 8-12 weeks and have paper thin skin?
2-
Have you ever
seen that Dr.90210 show about plastic surgery? I once saw an episode
where the doctor said he will “remove the excess skin” from a patient.
The operation was televised. Apparently, excess skin is a thin layer of
skin, with lots of yellowish white tissue under it. I wonder what that
yellow stuff is?
3-
I’ve personally
helped a number of individuals get rid of that “excess skin” by treating
it as fat. I wonder what that translates into.
Stretch marks are
just your body’s way of saying “YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST YOU DUMB ****!”
So, do yourself a favor and follow these steps:
1-
Reduce calories
by 500 cal (the average is 2500 calories for people weighing 200 lbs or
more).
2-
The
macro-nutrient ratio should be 35% protein, 40% carbohydrates, 25% fat
3-
80% of your
carbohydrate intake should be of complex carbohydrates. The simple carbs
should be ingested after your workout.
4-
Atleast 50% of
your fat intake should consist of unsaturated fats
5-
Cardiovascular
exercise should be done first thing in the morning. I don’t care what
your excuse is. I’ve heard’em all. “I can’t wake up that early. I have
to go to work early. The gym doesn’t open at 5 am. I can’t run outdoors.
I have early classes.” Those excuses don’t justify anything. Set your
alarm clock 1 hour earlier, and get the hell up.
6-
Cardio should be
done 3-4 times a week. 30 minutes per session. Nothing crazy. Just make
sure you sweat within 15 minutes.
7-
Drink a cup of
coffee 10 minutes before cardio. (black, no sugar)
8-
Weight training
should be resumed as explained in previous articles.
9-
This stage only
lasts for 4-weeks. Then you go to another depth of hell.
Expectations:
please don’t expect to lose a lot of fat in this stage. 10 lbs should be
a maximum limit.
Stage 3: The
Switch
By now, you should
be feeling the thermogenic effects (you start sweating a lot. You feel
hot all the time). It’s time to switch fuels. No more sugar. Here’s how
it goes:
1-
Calories should
be further decreased by 250 calories.
2-
Macro-nutrient
ratio should be changed to 45% protein, 30% carbs, 25% fat.
3-
All carbs must
be consumed by the 3rd meal. (I don’t think I need to tell
you that you should be eating atleast 5 meals by now). No carbs after 3rd
meal.
4-
Cardiovascular
exercise should be more vigorous (45 minutes at 60-70% of maximum heart
rate)
5-
Weight training
should be changed to concentration movement instead of compound
movements.
6-
A minimum of 3
liters of water should be consumed daily. Pure water, not diet sodas or
what have you.
7-
The length of
this stage is 4 weeks
Expectations: you
should be losing a lot of fat and water at this stage. You should not
lose more than 15 lbs in these 4 weeks.
Stage 4:
Ketosis
If you reach this
stage, I salute you. Still, the worst is yet to come. No sugars. No
carbs. You’ll be in a bad mood all the time. You’ll feel tired all the
time. The next 4-weeks determine whether you’ll get shredded or not.
This is ketosis:
1-
Calories should
be reduced another 250 calories
2-
The ratio should
be 60% protein, 10% carbohydrates (maximum), 30-40% fat.
3-
Cardio should be
hell. You’ll start HIIT in this stage, which will be explained soon.
4-
Cardio should be
performed 5 times a week.
5-
No more than 3
grams of sodium/day should be consumed
6-
Carb loading
day, which will be explained, should be every 4th day.
7-
I have a strong
feeling that you won’t even try this
Expectations:
muscle loss in this stage is inevitable. You will lose anywhere from
15-25 lbs in 4 weeks (depending on your genetics)
HIIT: High
Intensity Interval Training
This training
separates the men from the boys, the women from the little girls, the
turtles from the butterflies, and the mosquitoes from the cockroaches.
45 minutes of pain that’ll keep your metabolism up for the rest of the
day. It’s quite simple actually. The main idea is that you divide your
workout into different intensity intervals. Here’s the most common way
of doing it:
(Keep in mind that
intensity ranges from 0-10. Where 0= little to no effort, and 10 =
almost puking.)
Duration Intensity
5 min (warmup)
3
2
min 4
2
min 5
2
min 6
2
min 7
2
min 8
2
min 9
2
min 8
2
min 7
4
min 5
2
min 6
2
min 7
1
min 8
1
min 9
2
min 8
2
min 7
3
min 6
3
min 4
4 min(cool-down)
3
The idea behind
this method is to keep your body guessing how much energy it’ll need for
the whole work-out. Eventually, it’ll keep burning a very high amount of
calories.
Carbohydrate
Loading (The 4th day):
Many of you heard
about the zigzag method (I’m guessing here). It’s when you throw your
body’s metabolism off by increasing calories in one day. Now, when
idiots hear about this, they think it’s a cheat day. Well, it’s not.
Endomorphs (horizontally challenged) shouldn’t cheat more than once a
week (and that’s one meal, not the whole day). Ectomorphs can get away
with cheating twice a week (I only said that to piss off fat people).
Carb loading is like recharging your batteries. Your muscles need
glycogen. So, you have to fill’em up every 4 days to prevent muscle
loss. It’s simple. On your fourth day, consume 1.5 – 2 grams of carbs
per pound of lean body mass. Again, that’s LEAN BODY MASS!!! Not total
mass. 80% of those carbohydrates should be complex.
Do you…. Mind?
You’re never ever
ever ever ever going to lose fat if you keep telling yourself you aren’t
going to lose it. Your mind set, will power, and optimism is more
powerful than any physical activity (oh god, no that doesn’t mean you
don’t have to exercise. God! For crying out loud!). I’m just saying that
when you’re 20 minutes into your cardio, and you just feel like dropping
on the ground, let that little voice in your head get louder. You know
what I’m talking about. The little voice that says: “come on you wussy.
Can’t run? What’s the matter? Why don’t you just give up? YOU WANNA BURN
THAT FAT? DON’T THINK! DO IT! COME ON! LET’S GET MOVING!! YOU CAN DO
THIS! DO YOU WANT TO BE A FAT ASS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? HELL NO!
NOW LET’S GO!!” that voice will either give you tremendous energy, or
lead you to a mental institution. I hear that voice every day (I know, I
have issues).
Fat Burners
Yeah. This is what
you want, isn’t it? Well, let me be the first to say: THEY ALL SUCK!
After the ban on ephedra, fat burners went down the toilet. The best fat
burner you’ll ever find is caffeine combined with aspirin. You don’t
need fat burners. Even if you had ephedra, it shouldn’t be used til you
reach the sixth week of your cutting cycle. Still, I’m here to tell you
about how you can get ephedrine. Why? Because I want to see more fat
people die. Nah, just kidding. You don’t need it. So, you have three
months to burn that fat all over you. Then, in my next article, I’ll
tell you how to get ephedra.
Bonus: How to
down sawdust… I mean tuna
Personally, I have
to eat 3 (8 ounce) cans of tuna a day. So, I developed a method to down
(swallow) it as fast as possible without gagging. Here’s what you need:
8 ounces of tuna
packed in water
1 liter of ice cold
water
Wash the tuna and
dry it. Then mash it up with a fork. Take a spoonful in your mouth and
chew as fast as you can. Fill your mouth with water and swoosh the tuna
in your mouth. Swallow as fast as you can. Lather, rinse, and repeat.
Oh, don’t sue me if you choke. It’s not my fault that you can’t
swallow….. Wait, isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?
THE ULTIMATE IN
STUPIDITY!
Note: to all of
my friends, I don’t mean to insult you, but what you said was just plain
funny. Please don’t take offence. For all the people I don’t know,
you’re just plain stupid for saying this.
I would like to
share some of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard in my life. These
quotes were from close friends, class mates, gym buddies, and total
strangers. Enjoy:
“I TRIED
EVERYTHING!! I JUST CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT!! I CAN’T!! IT’S A CURSE FROM
GOD!!” …. Name the last five things you’ve tried… “ummmm……”
“I once knew a guy
who used protein powders. It gave him a stroke”
“I don’t want to
lift weights! It shrinks your penis”
“Muscles don’t grow
on protein, they grow on creatine. I read it in a book” the guy said
this with complete and utter confidence.
“I know that for
the past 2 years you’ve been saying that losing fat takes time and
effort. So, how can I lose a lot of fat, even if it’s unhealthy, in 1
week?”
This went on
between a trainer and me in the gym:
Trainer: “you take
course (steroids)?” me: “No, I’m using M1T and 4AD” Trainer: “ahh, you
bring for me (can you get me some)” me: “no, they’re banned and they
stopped selling them” Trainer: “ahhh, ban…. You bring for me?” me:
“sorry man. They’re banned!” Trainer: “uha… bring for me” me: ”ok”
Same trainer: “I
hear that ginseng make cancer in stomach”
Another trainer:
“So, you’re cutting up? you only need to do more abdominal exercises” I
said: “no, I just need to do cardio and watch my diet” he was quiet for
about 10 seconds then he said “did you know that fat is stored in four
places in the body?” so I say: “yeah. Chest, triceps, abs, and thighs.
So, what’s your point?” he just kept staring til I left.
Two idiots in the
gym:
“do you know what
the best source of protein is?” “no, what?” “kery cheese!” he was
talking about a full cream cheese. And he was serious.
My ultimate
favorite! (which only bodybuilders find funny)
“why don’t you
increase the weight on your exercises?” “no man. I don’t want to get too
big!” guys who usually say this weigh 10 lbs.
Final note
Please, all it
takes is 4 months. 4 months out of 12. Don’t waste years and years on
stupid “chemical diets” and things that sound too good to be true. If
you ever need any help or assistance, email me (bu_selmo@yahoo.com)
and I’ll be more than glad to help you out. Just remember one thing…..
THE F.D.A. SUCKS! B4
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