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SIXTEEN WEEKS OF HELL:

HARDCORE CUTTING FOR THE HARDCORE  BODYBUILDER
_____________________

BY HAMAD AL-MOHAWIS
 
04.17.2005

 

There’s no better time to talk about cutting up than right now. Summer’s right around the corner, just the right time to bring out that six-pack. Hopefully, you gained a couple of pounds of muscle (not to mention fat) from your previous bulking up phase. Now it’s time to shape, define, and striate those muscles. We’ll be dealing with 4 stages within this cutting phase in a bit of detail. Also, I’m going to include “the ultimate in stupidity” part for your own amusement.  

 

Stage 1: maintenance 

            This is a very crucial stage right after your bulking up phase. This will determine whether you’ll keep the last couple of pounds of muscle you’ve gained or not. Here’s the explanation:

Physiological processes in your body are like a pendulum. The higher you lift it on one side, the higher it’ll swing back on the other side. Let’s say you gained 4 lbs. of muscle in the last week of your bulking phase, a very high rate of anabolism that your body isn’t used to. If you don’t strive to maintain those 4 lbs, you’ll lose them as fast as you gained them. The first 4 weeks of this cutting program deals with trying to maintain your weight. Here’s how you do it:

  1. Calculate your current macro-nutrient intake (protein, carbs, and fat)

  2. Make sure you eat the same amount of nutrients every day

  3. Drink atleast 2 liters of water

  4. Try to maintain your strength

That’s basically the first stage. 

 

Stage 2: Firing up the furnace 

This is where hell starts. This is where you start setting your alarm clock one hour earlier. This is where you eat to fuel your body, not to please your taste buds. Here we go:

The main idea from now on is to let your body change its fuel source. It’s time to switch from sugar (glucose) and burn the fat instead. The most important thing is to do it gradually. You see, I’ve been screaming my lungs out telling people not to lose muscle. The way you look is a function of your body fat percentage, not your weight. If you cut off carbohydrates immediately (the idiotic atkins diet) you’ll be loosing muscle and water at an alarming rate. Then, when you lose 40 lbs in a month, you start talking about excess skin. Let me be the first to tell you that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS EXCESS SKIN!!! It’s called a thick layer of fat on top of a thin layer of muscle. How do I know this?

1-     If there is such a thing as excess skin, how do you explain pro bodybuilders losing 50 lbs in 8-12 weeks and have paper thin skin?

2-     Have you ever seen that Dr.90210 show about plastic surgery? I once saw an episode where the doctor said he will “remove the excess skin” from a patient. The operation was televised. Apparently, excess skin is a thin layer of skin, with lots of yellowish white tissue under it. I wonder what that yellow stuff is?

3-     I’ve personally helped a number of individuals get rid of that “excess skin” by treating it as fat. I wonder what that translates into.

 

Stretch marks are just your body’s way of saying “YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST YOU DUMB ****!” So, do yourself a favor and follow these steps:

1-     Reduce calories by 500 cal (the average is 2500 calories for people weighing 200 lbs or more).

2-     The macro-nutrient ratio should be 35% protein, 40% carbohydrates, 25% fat

3-     80% of your carbohydrate intake should be of complex carbohydrates. The simple carbs should be ingested after your workout.

4-     Atleast 50% of your fat intake should consist of unsaturated fats

5-     Cardiovascular exercise should be done first thing in the morning. I don’t care what your excuse is. I’ve heard’em all. “I can’t wake up that early. I have to go to work early. The gym doesn’t open at 5 am. I can’t run outdoors. I have early classes.” Those excuses don’t justify anything. Set your alarm clock 1 hour earlier, and get the hell up.

6-     Cardio should be done 3-4 times a week. 30 minutes per session. Nothing crazy. Just make sure you sweat within 15 minutes.

7-     Drink a cup of coffee 10 minutes before cardio. (black, no sugar)

8-     Weight training should be resumed as explained in previous articles.

9-     This stage only lasts for 4-weeks. Then you go to another depth of hell.

 

Expectations: please don’t expect to lose a lot of fat in this stage. 10 lbs should be a maximum limit. 

 

Stage 3: The Switch 

By now, you should be feeling the thermogenic effects (you start sweating a lot. You feel hot all the time). It’s time to switch fuels. No more sugar. Here’s how it goes:

1-     Calories should be further decreased by 250 calories.

2-     Macro-nutrient ratio should be changed to 45% protein, 30% carbs, 25% fat.

3-     All carbs must be consumed by the 3rd meal. (I don’t think I need to tell you that you should be eating atleast 5 meals by now). No carbs after 3rd meal.

4-     Cardiovascular exercise should be more vigorous (45 minutes at 60-70% of maximum heart rate)

5-     Weight training should be changed to concentration movement instead of compound movements.

6-     A minimum of 3 liters of water should be consumed daily. Pure water, not diet sodas or what have you.

7-     The length of this stage is 4 weeks

 

Expectations: you should be losing a lot of fat and water at this stage. You should not lose more than 15 lbs in these 4 weeks.

 

Stage 4: Ketosis 

If you reach this stage, I salute you. Still, the worst is yet to come. No sugars. No carbs. You’ll be in a bad mood all the time. You’ll feel tired all the time. The next 4-weeks determine whether you’ll get shredded or not. This is ketosis:

 

1-     Calories should be reduced another 250 calories

2-     The ratio should be 60% protein, 10% carbohydrates (maximum), 30-40% fat.

3-     Cardio should be hell. You’ll start HIIT in this stage, which will be explained soon.

4-     Cardio should be performed 5 times a week.

5-     No more than 3 grams of sodium/day should be consumed

6-     Carb loading day, which will be explained, should be every 4th day.

7-     I have a strong feeling that you won’t even try this

 

Expectations: muscle loss in this stage is inevitable. You will lose anywhere from 15-25 lbs in 4 weeks (depending on your genetics)

 

HIIT: High Intensity Interval Training 

This training separates the men from the boys, the women from the little girls, the turtles from the butterflies, and the mosquitoes from the cockroaches. 45 minutes of pain that’ll keep your metabolism up for the rest of the day. It’s quite simple actually. The main idea is that you divide your workout into different intensity intervals. Here’s the most common way of doing it:

(Keep in mind that intensity ranges from 0-10. Where 0= little to no effort, and 10 = almost puking.)

Duration                     Intensity

5 min (warmup)         3

2 min                           4

2 min                           5

2 min                           6

2 min                           7

2 min                           8

2 min                           9

2 min                           8

2 min                           7

4 min                           5

2 min                           6

2 min                           7

1 min                           8

1 min                           9

2 min                           8

2 min                           7

3 min                           6

3 min                           4

4 min(cool-down)      3

 

The idea behind this method is to keep your body guessing how much energy it’ll need for the whole work-out. Eventually, it’ll keep burning a very high amount of calories.

 

Carbohydrate Loading (The 4th day):

Many of you heard about the zigzag method (I’m guessing here). It’s when you throw your body’s metabolism off by increasing calories in one day. Now, when idiots hear about this, they think it’s a cheat day. Well, it’s not. Endomorphs (horizontally challenged) shouldn’t cheat more than once a week (and that’s one meal, not the whole day). Ectomorphs can get away with cheating twice a week (I only said that to piss off fat people). Carb loading is like recharging your batteries. Your muscles need glycogen. So, you have to fill’em up every 4 days to prevent muscle loss. It’s simple. On your fourth day, consume 1.5 – 2 grams of carbs per pound of lean body mass. Again, that’s LEAN BODY MASS!!! Not total mass. 80% of those carbohydrates should be complex.

 

Do you…. Mind?

You’re never ever ever ever ever going to lose fat if you keep telling yourself you aren’t going to lose it. Your mind set, will power, and optimism is more powerful than any physical activity (oh god, no that doesn’t mean you don’t have to exercise. God! For crying out loud!). I’m just saying that when you’re 20 minutes into your cardio, and you just feel like dropping on the ground, let that little voice in your head get louder. You know what I’m talking about. The little voice that says: “come on you wussy. Can’t run? What’s the matter? Why don’t you just give up? YOU WANNA BURN THAT FAT? DON’T THINK! DO IT! COME ON! LET’S GET MOVING!! YOU CAN DO THIS! DO YOU WANT TO BE A FAT ASS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? HELL NO! NOW LET’S GO!!” that voice will either give you tremendous energy, or lead you to a mental institution. I hear that voice every day (I know, I have issues).

 

Fat Burners

Yeah. This is what you want, isn’t it? Well, let me be the first to say: THEY ALL SUCK! After the ban on ephedra, fat burners went down the toilet. The best fat burner you’ll ever find is caffeine combined with aspirin. You don’t need fat burners. Even if you had ephedra, it shouldn’t be used til you reach the sixth week of your cutting cycle. Still, I’m here to tell you about how you can get ephedrine. Why? Because I want to see more fat people die. Nah, just kidding. You don’t need it. So, you have three months to burn that fat all over you. Then, in my next article, I’ll tell you how to get ephedra.

 

Bonus: How to down sawdust… I mean tuna

Personally, I have to eat 3 (8 ounce) cans of tuna a day. So, I developed a method to down (swallow) it as fast as possible without gagging. Here’s what you need:

 

8 ounces of tuna packed in water

1 liter of ice cold water

 

Wash the tuna and dry it. Then mash it up with a fork. Take a spoonful in your mouth and chew as fast as you can. Fill your mouth with water and swoosh the tuna in your mouth. Swallow as fast as you can. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Oh, don’t sue me if you choke. It’s not my fault that you can’t swallow….. Wait, isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?

 

THE ULTIMATE IN STUPIDITY!

Note: to all of my friends, I don’t mean to insult you, but what you said was just plain funny. Please don’t take offence. For all the people I don’t know, you’re just plain stupid for saying this.

 

I would like to share some of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard in my life. These quotes were from close friends, class mates, gym buddies, and total strangers. Enjoy:

 

“I TRIED EVERYTHING!! I JUST CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT!! I CAN’T!! IT’S A CURSE FROM GOD!!” …. Name the last five things you’ve tried… “ummmm……”

 

“I once knew a guy who used protein powders. It gave him a stroke”

 

“I don’t want to lift weights! It shrinks your penis”

 

“Muscles don’t grow on protein, they grow on creatine. I read it in a book” the guy said this with complete and utter confidence.

 

“I know that for the past 2 years you’ve been saying that losing fat takes time and effort. So, how can I lose a lot of fat, even if it’s unhealthy, in 1 week?”

 

This went on between a trainer and me in the gym:

Trainer: “you take course (steroids)?”  me: “No, I’m using M1T and 4AD”  Trainer: “ahh, you bring for me (can you get me some)” me: “no, they’re banned and they stopped selling them” Trainer: “ahhh, ban…. You bring for me?” me: “sorry man. They’re banned!” Trainer: “uha… bring for me”  me: ”ok”

 

Same trainer: “I hear that ginseng make cancer in stomach”

 

Another trainer: “So, you’re cutting up? you only need to do more abdominal exercises” I said: “no, I just need to do cardio and watch my diet” he was quiet for about 10 seconds then he said “did you know that fat is stored in four places in the body?” so I say: “yeah. Chest, triceps, abs, and thighs. So, what’s your point?” he just kept staring til I left.

 

Two idiots in the gym:

“do you know what the best source of protein is?” “no, what?” “kery cheese!” he was talking about a full cream cheese. And he was serious.

 

My ultimate favorite! (which only bodybuilders find funny)

“why don’t you increase the weight on your exercises?” “no man. I don’t want to get too big!” guys who usually say this weigh 10 lbs.

 

Final note

Please, all it takes is 4 months. 4 months out of 12. Don’t waste years and years on stupid “chemical diets” and things that sound too good to be true. If you ever need any help or assistance, email me (bu_selmo@yahoo.com) and I’ll be more than glad to help you out. Just remember one thing….. THE F.D.A. SUCKS! B4

 

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